How to Become an Attractive Man

I read Adam Kisiel’s “How to be an Attractive Man” a few years back and thought it had some pretty solid advice. Some of it is common sense, but a lot of times it’s easy to forget to do the obvious. The book is marketed toward men but I’m sure a lot of the advice is universal for anybody who wants to attractive friends, lovers, or just to feel more confident in themselves. If you enjoy this list, please consider buying the ebook on Amazon.

P.S. I’m not Adam Kisiel. P.S.S. As with any advice, take all of these with a grain of salt. I don’t follow all of the tips written here and I didn’t come up with them. P.S.S.S. I paraphrase a bit in this list, and lift text directly out of the ebook in places. Regardless, all credit and ideas here go to Adam Kisiel unless I explicitly note otherwise in a parenthetical.

Face

1. Wear a face cream with UVA/UVB protection, at least SPF 15 every day to prevent wrinkles. It won’t stop you from tanning and will keep you looking young.
2. Groom your eyebrows once a week.
3. Whiten your teeth, either annually at the dentist, semi-annually with a whitening kit, or, you can do it like me and swish with hydrogen peroxide every night.
4. Use a night face cream with tretinoin or any other similar retinoid. This is, again, to prevent wrinkles.
5. Be honest about your hair. If it’s receding, don’t try to hide it. If you’re balding, just go for a buzz-cut or the full shave. If it’s thinning and you’re not ready to let it go, keep it short. Embrace who you is. (My own interjection, but if you’re male and can afford it, opt for a barbershop rather than a salon. Barbers make a living cutting men’s hair.)
6. Sleep 7-8 hours night. Keep a regular sleep schedule.
7. If you wear glasses, match them to your face size. Rule of thumb: frame shape contrasts the shape of your face, frame size should match the size of your face. Go for simple, classic looks.
8. Cut your nose hair once a week.
9. Wash your face in cold water every day. A good burst of full-cold water in the shower should do ya.
10. Stop touching your face. It gives you acne (and leads to scarring if you’re picking at acne) and makes you look insecure.

Body

1. Eat right. Figure out what this means for you. Eat more real protein, more vegetables, fresh fruit, and whole, unprocessed grains. Cut down on the fried food. Track what you put in your body, if it helps.
2. Stop eating sweets and snacks all of the time. Let the treats be treats.
3. Drink a lot of water. I’m a 225 lb, 6’2″ male, fairly active, and I can usually put down 3 liters a day if I put my mind to it. Buy a nice reusable water bottle and take it with you everywhere.
4. If you drink, opt for wine over beer. In moderation, it’s good for the heart, less calorific than beer, and pairs with quality food.
5. If the weather is tolerable and walking/biking is an option, then walk or bike. Good rule of thumb is if you can get there in 20 minutes or less walking or biking, then walk/bike.
6. Exercise. Just start with two days a week, an hour a day. You can do cardio or you can lift. You can go on hikes. You can bike. You can skate. Just move!
7. Speaking of exercise, go to the gym if you can afford it. You’ll have access to a ton of equipment and the atmosphere can serve to push you harder. Also a great place to meet people!
8. Eat enough protein per your bodyweight.
9. Take care of your feet. Cut your toenails regularly, use foot cream once a week or so, and wash them when you shower.
10. Get in the habit of walking with a straight back. You can do this by strengthening the muscles in your back (pull-ups with wide and pronated grip are a good one for this) and by reminding yourself to straighten your back throughout the day.
11. Get rid of the belly. It’s basic physics everybody — burn more energy than you consume. Sweets, soda, beer, simple carbs — all enemies.
12. Do some running. Even once a week is fine. Don’t make it a chore, enjoy it. You can sprint, you can jog, you can alternate between walking and running, whatever. Your body was made for this.
13. Include shoulder exercises in your workouts. Muscular shoulders are a big part of the quintessential “manly” appearance.
14. Stop smoking. I don’t think I need to list the reasons why. If you can’t quit, switch to vaping.

Personality

1. Read at least one book a month. Surely there is something you’ve been meaning to read? Go to a bookstore or a library. Download the ebook.
2. On this subject, memorize the titles and authors of books that you’ve read. If it comes up, you’ll sound like you know what you’re talking about.
3. Travel. Get out and see whatever it is you can see. Let your scope expand to your budget. If money is tight, become a local expert on cool places near you.
4. Instead of buying stuff, spend your money doing cool stuff. If people want to be around you because of your stuff, then they aren’t really friends.
5. Be empathetic toward others. Think about the interests, feelings, and motivations of others frequently.
6. Be dependable. When your friends or family need you, be there. It’s the right thing.
7. Keep up to date on what’s going on around you. This way when you’re on a date, with friends, or just bored, you’ll know what’s going on and where to be.
8. Do things you enjoy, often. Do things that make you happy.
9. Mix up your entertainment. If you play games all of the time, go see a play. If you’re always out with your friends, read a book. Stimulate your brain with variety.
10. The world isn’t going to come to you. Don’t stay at home too much. Be where other people are.
11. Make stuff happen! Most people tend to be afraid of initiating things, so be the one to set something in motion. Call your friends! Invite people out!
12. Learn some cool go-to places to take friends, visiting family, dates, clients, etc. Have a good coffee shop, restaurant, bar, park, etc. Know your city.
13. Expanding on this, know some cool hole-in-the-wall places to take people. Take people somewhere they likely would not have visited if it weren’t for you.
14. Only ever use pick-up lines IF A, you’re trying to be funny, B, you can pull it off, and C, it isn’t the only idea you have for conversation. Just be yourself. Don’t be fake.
15. Stop swearing all of the time. Use precision F-bombs instead of a barrage of swear words.

Mind

1. Be self-confident. Even if you’re just faking it (because everybody else likely is too.) Smile, relax, and keep your composure.
2. Don’t fall prey to analysis paralysis. Take action. Pursue it and hope for the best.
3. Try things for yourself, have your own opinions, and express them openly without any fear. Don’t follow the majority because everybody is doing it, and don’t reject what is popular just because everybody likes it. Base your actions and decisions on what you find right.
4. Embrace challenges. When tasked with something that you’ve never done before, or that you don’t know how to do, don’t just give up. Try it, and try your best. Worst case scenario, you’ve gained some experience.
5. Stop thinking negatively all the time. You’re going to fail in life. Probably a lot. That’s just probability, but that’s also the cost of success.
6. When you do fail, don’t be dissuaded from trying again. Take your newfound knowledge and experience and make a more educated crack at it.
7. If you want to meet somebody, be the one to make the first move. It’s better to try and to fail then to dwell on the “what if”.
8. Be aware of Attractiveness Isolation. It is the phenomena in which attractive (or intelligent, creative, talented, etc.) people intimidate others so much that they give up right away, thinking there is no chance to appeal to them. If you think somebody is too whatever for you, try getting to know them anyway. You may be one of the few who try and hopefully succeed.
9. Know what you want and be decisive. Remember that you have to come first in your own life (unless, you know, kids).
10. Don’t rely on stereotypes. The main function of stereotyping is making one feel better about oneself by depreciating others. An attractive man feels well because he knows his own qualities, so don’t comfort yourself by the perceived flaws of others.
11. Remember that people are people, with their own motivations, desires, fears, prejudices, thoughts, and inner worlds. They are not categorized objects and they are not devices to be used. Treat people as people, justly and with respect.
12. Get closer to the people and things that make you smile and laugh. Laugh daily. It’s healthy and everybody finds cheerful people more interesting than depressing people. It’s infectious.
13. Remember that you’re never too old for anything. If there is something you would like to do, than do it.
14. When other people talk, listen with your full attention. Be confident enough to truly be present and listen to people; don’t use the other person’s turn in the conversation to think about what you plan to say next. If you really need to think before you speak, take a pause. You don’t have to gab any time there’s a silence.

Clothing (Note: I don’t follow some of the pricier or more fashion-forward tips here as I’m an undergrad student living off of student loans, but follow what you can if it suits you)

1. Change your underwear to black. Wear boxer briefs or something shorter if you prefer — whatever you feel comfortable in. Avoid boxer shorts covered with “fun” patterns.
2. Match your socks to your pants, and throw away socks with holes.
3. Wear clothes with fit. This is the single most important principle in the area of clothing. Try on clothes before you buy them. Pants should stay in place without a belt and should brush against your shoes. Shirts and jackets should fit well on the shoulders and as narrow in the waist as is possible without reducing comfort.
4. Blazers are a classic, timeless piece of male clothing. They fit a variety of looks and can be worn no matter the weather — just stick with lighter fabrics in the summer. (And remember, always leave the bottom button unbuttoned).
5. Have at least three white shirts. You can wear them under jackets and blazers, and with the right trousers and shoes, a white shirt can give you a great classy summer look. Always opt for long-sleeves when you can, as you can always roll the sleeves up.
6. Have at least one pair of classic, elegant oxford dress shoes. Black are the most versatile.
7. Always dress just a little bit better than the situation requires. Don’t overdress or underdress.
8. Find a good watch. Don’t waste money on something cheap — if you can’t afford something that you’re happy with, then save until you can. (Note: The author says to avoid digital but I like my Apple Watch. Make your own choices.)
9. Take proper care of your shoes. Shoe maintenance keeps shoes alive and saves you money, as does buying higher quality shoes that won’t wear out as quickly. If you have time, clean and polish your shoes weekly. With sport shoes, just toss them in the washing machine and set it so slow spin mode. When finished, put some old newspaper inside and let them dry out.
10. Match your clothes by color. Try to follow the two-color rule: a main color and secondary color. Two-Thirds of your outfit should of the main color, the rest the secondary color (white and blacks excluded).
11. Avoid looking like you have been trying to hard with your clothing. Remember that the best dressed people look completely at ease, and like they just happened to put on things that look cool, not like they’ve obsessed over it.
12. When going to an event with a partner (in business, friendship, or love), dress to match them. Don’t underdress when they’re in a suit and tie. Conversely, don’t show up in a full suit when they’re in shorts and t-shirt.
13. Avoid wearing clothing that are only intended for special tasks. Hiking boots are for hiking, flip-flops are for the pool.
14. Next time you shop for clothes, bring a brutally honest friend with you to give advice. Don’t ask sales associates; they are there to make commission (no shame). If your friend tells you you don’t look perfect, don’t be offended. They are helping you.
15. If you can, pay ore for long-term clothing like suits, jackets, coats, and shoes. Go for quality, and keep it simple and classic so it doesn’t go out of style.
16. Wear your formal clothing around the house every once in a while, so you look natural and comfortable in it. That way at weddings and funerals, you won’t be adjusting your suit jacket or tripping over your heels every five minutes.
17. If you are short, don’t wear long coats and jackets. If you are tall, don’t wear short coats or jackets. Unless you’re into the funhouse mirror effect.
18. Twice a year, move the clothes from the back of your wardrobe to the front. You may rediscover stuff you’ve forgotten about. Or you may find stuff you don’t like that a thrift store or charity would love.
19. Don’t wear sandals with socks. Just… don’t.

Hygiene and grooming

1. Take a shower everyday. Buy a body scrub, get some simple soap, and scrub your body, especially chest, armpits, groin, butt, and feet. You can wash your hair every other day, but shampoo it when it gets greasy.
2. Eliminate bad breath. In addition to flossing and brushing daily, be sure to brush or scrape your tongue. If you have white discoloration on your tongue, you most likely have bad breath. Brush that junk off.
3. Remove excessive body hair in your pubic region. You don’t have to be as smooth as the day you were born, but it isn’t the seventies anymore. Easiest way is to get an electric razor with guards, put the guard on it, stand in the shower with the water off, and shave until everything is even. Use Google as tips for anything further.
4. Always use deodorant, and find a cologne that suits you. Splurge on this if you can. When you do find your cologne, use it daily. People will start to associate this smell with you.
5. You should probably get rid of any back hair. You can wax, use an electric hair remover, or opt for permanent hair removal if you can afford it. (I just shave off the little bit of fuzz I get on my lower back, so I don’t have a ton of experience here.)
6. Clean your ears, including trimming hair poking out of them.
7. Wash your bedclothes at minimum once a month. The more frequently, the better. Do it on as high a temperature possible to kill bacteria.
8. Fight excessive perspiration. If deodorant isn’t cutting it, ask your doctor about professional antiperspirants.
9. Have a few towels and change them at least once a week. Always keep a fresh spare too, in case someone who is over needs one. Launder them frequently. You can wash these with your bedclothes, in high temperatures.
10. Don’t use cheap razors. Go for normal (that’s non-electric) razors with sharp and durable blades.
11. If you use cosmetics, make sure they are made for your skin type and tone. (It’s 2017, men can and do use cosmetics. A sunscreen with a bit of tone works wonders for covering up acne.)

Living habits

1. Learn a sport. If you have a friend to do it with, do it together. If not, find something you can do solo. It doesn’t have to be every day, it just has to be regular. It can be anything, as long as its something that you will look forward to when it comes around.
2. Go to the theatre at least once every three months. Theatre is a broad form — you don’t have to go see a musical at your local high school. There are raunchy comedies, dark and gritty thrillers, and everything in between. (This assumes you live in a large enough city to have access to good theatre.)
3. Do as many ordinary daily activities as you can outdoors. Eat outdoors. Read a book in the park. Go on a walk with your business partner instead of meeting in the office.
4. Have a hobby. Or two. What turns you on? What makes you feel alive, excited, thrilled? What keeps you up at night? Find that and do it.
5. Learn how to cook. Obviously you can never completely “learn how to cook”, but take the time to learn a few basic skills that will allow you to throw some meals together. When around others who are familiar with cooking, watch them as they do it and ask them questions about it.
6. Explore music genres that are different from your favorite one. Ask a friend for their five favorite albums. Listen to the bests out of different genres. (I think this should apply to media in general. Books, movies, games — just keep exploring.)
7. If you can afford it and you really like animals, adopt one from a shelter. Be responsible for it, feed it, groom it, make sure it gets proper medical care, and make a new best friend.
8. Drink more alcohol but in smaller amounts at a sitting. Get buzzed and sociable instead of wasted and incoherent. Know your limits.
9. Clean your home once a week. A pleasant looking home makes you feel a lot better and look a lot better. Also helps in case of an unexpected guest.
10. Get rid of things you do not use. There are many decluttering methods out there. I like the KonMari method.
11. Assign a separate bin/section of closet for clothes “that you have already worn but are still clean enough to wear again”.
12. Try to diversify income sources. Easier said than done, but if you can find a way to make even a tiny bit of money doing something you really like to do (and you already have a sufficient main income), then make that side income.
13. Get rid of services that suck up your wallet. How many online services are you subscribed to? How many of them do you use? How many of them do you need? Cut the cords and pay fewer bills.
14. Do not watch porn. Be someone who meets real people. Pornography is an unsatisfactory substitute and a completely unrealistic one to boot. (I know this is a controversial one. I am of the belief that pornography makes it more difficult for me to appreciate people in the real world, warts and all.)
15. Treat yourself every once in a while. If there’s something you really want to do, have, or experience but, you feel it is too expensive or unnecessary just do it. Life is about spending your time in pleasant and meaningful ways.

The mysterious rule number 101

1. You skimmed through this list. Now do it. Make a plan. Choose which of these ideas you want to follow, and set them in motion. It doesn’t have to be all at once, but if that’s your fancy, then dive in. (A bit anticlimactic).

“Never Trust a Skinny Chef”…?

I reckon the meaning of such a statement means that a ‘fat chef makes good food, otherwise they wouldn’t eat their own food.’

However…

Heston Blumenthal

Thomas Keller

Rene Redzepi

Ferran Adria

…

Arguably a few of the world’s greatest chefs. I doubt that the four of them weigh over 180 lbs. respectively.

The Social Anxiety Support Forum is Full of Losers With Victim Complexes

Back in 2011-2013 I posted fairly regularly on the Social Anxiety Support forums. It was before I went back to school in the fall of 2014, so I posted on there to write about my own personal social anxiety that I felt back then with other like-minded individuals.

Several years later (now), I returned to post about my successes and triumphs as well as intertwined struggles from over the years. I was hoping that it would be a post that would inspire, because I wrote about how, in my anecdotal experiences, that the key to overcoming social anxiety is to move out of your comfort zone, embrace the inevitable feelings of uncomfortableness and to repeat that habit as a form of cognitive behavioral therapy.

A few members replied in kindness, but there were a few posters, aged 40-years-old and up, who were visibly upset that I ‘claimed’ such an ‘easy fix’ to social anxiety. Firstly, I never claimed an ‘easy fix’ to social anxiety, only a method to better control it and improve it, rather than allowing it to hinder your improvements as a person.

These 40+ something folks raged over my use of the phrase, “you have to get out of your comfort zone on a consistent basis” by saying that they have heard that cliched tripe enough over the years. I don’t doubt that, but their claims that they have heard it enough over the years does not invalidate that statement that is rooted with veritable truth.

To do anything worthwhile in life, to chase your goals and dreams, to live life to the fullest, you have to get out of your comfort zone, whether it involves applying for a job to learning a new skill/hobby to meeting new people. Confidence comes from experience and doing, even if you flop on your face the first several attempts.

These same negative Nancies also took offense to me saying that other people don’t think about you as much as you think they do, as I believe everyone is dealing with their own personal battles on a day to day basis, from being too busy thinking about what they are going to cook or buy for dinner, deadlines for work, bills they have to pay, personal responsibilities they may be procrastinating doing, etc… a few of them spouted anecdotes about the time they did something embarrassing when they were younger and a solitary person recently brought it up to them. What a crock of shit.

I’m almost 28-years-old. I can’t imagine sitting shelled up in a home in my 40s or 50s and blaming the world and other people for my problems at every whim. There is nothing more pathetic than an individual who wields a constant victim mentality, or a victim complex, if you will.

Even when I was writing about struggles with anxiety back in 2011-2013, I never blamed others for it. I made this point in a post in that thread on the forum and received replies stating, “Good for you!” in a poorly sarcastic tone. What a shame. I made it a point, too, to mention that I still deal with occasional social anxiety given certain situations, but I hammered the point home that I make the very best attempts to be self-aware of my thoughts, embrace the anxiety as it happens and allow it to pass by recalling to myself, speaking to myself within my head, that everything will work itself out and be alright, allowing the negative thoughts to pass rather than accepting them as fact.

There is a thread on there that is titled something like, “Why is the world against me/us?” where the original poster is being championed by others over that frame of mind.

You will never progress in any way in this world when you blame others for everything that is going on in your life every second of the day.

You can either allow social anxiety to dictate your life, or you can take control of your life by forcing yourself out of your comfort zone.

No, it isn’t easy becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable, but it is worthwhile and I am proof of that. I have failed over and over again, but I live for the successes.

Don’t become one of those people in your 40s and 50s, still blaming the world for your hiccups and lack of progress. That is easy to do, because it doesn’t involve any work, time invested or risk.

Life is hard. Life is work. Anything worthwhile is going to be difficult and require work to achieve, but make no mistake about it that it can be done.

Speaking of ‘done’, I’m done with that forum. It is a minefield for reinforcing victim complexes and that is not conducive to growth. I hate the stupid word, ‘snowflake’ that a lot of short-sighted people use to call others as an insult, but you go on a forum like that and afterwards you don’t have to wonder where that silly word with its modern definition is derived from.

I screw up all the time. I still feel social anxiety at times, as mentioned. I mean, hell, I just felt it the other day because I had to go to the grocery store and felt anxious over running into someone I know who works there. What happened? I ran into them while I was there, and I was fine. Why did I feel anxiety over this? I have no clue whatsoever, but guess what? Going in there and running into them? It was no big deal after all. That was the basis of my thread on there, to inspire hope and the idea that it doesn’t have to be an awful existence for everyone every second of the day, and while I appreciate the posters who replied with positive feedback and encouragement, the negative Nancies can go pound sand. They will never experience growth while sitting around with their arms crossed, crying “Why me?!” at every turn while others step out of their comfort zone and live life.

I Love Intermittent Fasting!

I have always loved breakfast foods, but I’ve never liked eating during typical breakfast hours. Going back to my school years from when I was growing up, the thought of eating first thing in the morning before going to the place I loathed made me sick to my stomach. I remember, once upon a time, trying to eat breakfast before school. My mom would fry or scramble a few eggs and prepare a couple slices of toast for me. Even to this day, while I like toast and all, the smell of toast distresses me just a tiny bit because it reminds me of those times I tried to force myself to eat breakfast. Y’know, “most important meal of the day and all.”

Most important meal of the day… what a crock of shit. Some still believe it and may do so forever, and that is fine if they feel it true in the depths of their little hearts, but as far as I know that statement was concocted back in the 1950s and 1960s by cereal companies trying to increase the sales of their products.

I have never liked eating within 3-5 hours after getting out of bed. Bacon, eggs, sausage, hashbrowns and toast are fantastic, but I don’t want ’em during those hours. You know what’s way better than breakfast? Breakfast for dinner, that’s what! Trying to be productive when my stomach is full has always been a challenge for me. Furthermore, when I eat, I become sleepy. Now, you might say that I should check into the possibility that I’m a diabetic, but it has been that way my entire life when it comes to food! I have a theory as to why it happens that I’ll get to in a little while. Anywho, as far as diabetes goes, while it runs in my family, I just checked my blood sugar about a week ago and it was sitting pretty at 81.

I have always been way more productive completing work or even working out on an empty stomach. Now, if you are talking long workouts or long, strenuous hikes up in the mountains here in the heart of the Appalachia (southwest Virginia), then I do enjoy having a bag of fruit and/or almonds with me or a sugary drink, but that is only in such times like that.

I went from being a night owl to a morning person, and I never thought that would happen, but I feel fantastic in the mornings, asides from the grogginess upon waking up. I love, love, love waking up at 5 a.m., consuming a bit of caffeine with forskolin (a lot of people believe the con artist Dr. Oz’s claims that forskolin is a potent fat burner, which it is not; I take it to increase cAMP, which indirectly increases testosterone through sensitizing androgen receptors) and popping a 4mg nicotine lozenge. That’s my daily routine, along with chugging a 16oz bottle of water. Eating food at such times would make me want to go back to bed!

Here’s the kicker, however. If you have been following my blog (I thank you if you have been keeping up with my nonsense), you would have saw my first couple of posts that mention Ray Peat, the Ray Peat diet and the forum that is dedicated to such matters. Followers of the RP diet believe that fasting of any kind is a detriment to one’s health because they surmise that the body is running on cortisol. One of the key principles of the RP diet is mitigating stress hormones as much as possible; many of the members on the forum claim they consume orange juice, a pinch of salt and gelatin every morning immediately upon waking to blunt the cortisol response they feel.

Followers of the RP diet also surmise that the keto diet is a ‘stressful’ diet due to the absence of carbohydrates/sugar, which are things that naturally lowers one’s cortisol. When proposed with the idea that people feel great whether they are involved in intermittent fasting or ‘doing’ a keto diet, members have produced valid studies from peer-reviewed scientific journals that suggest that these ‘great’ feelings come from high stress in the body, even though it isn’t something one typically thinks about when they think of the word ‘stress’.

I believe them. Hell, the studies show it.

I don’t care, though.

I gave the RP diet a shot as a form of experimentation once upon a time, and I just felt so damn fatigued and bloated.

I’m all about mitigating stress because chronic cortisol spikes will eventually cause you to age faster, but for me, on an individual level in regards to how I feel, I love intermittent fasting because I feel I’m the most productive when I’m working on an empty stomach.

I also apparently ‘do’ another ‘no-no’ which is consuming caffeine upon waking, and I can understand the reasoning behind that, too, because when you awake in the morning, your cortisol will peak at the highest it should be all day long, as it is your body’s response to waking up for the day and getting one’s day going, and that caffeine intake first thing in the morning only yields higher cortisol production. Followers of the RP diet only recommend caffeine intake in conjunction with a high carbohydrate meal in order to blunt the cortisol-related side effects from caffeine intake.

Still, I’ll insert my personal bias in saying that I enjoy my routine because it works for me and yields positive net results for what I want, which is being more productive, especially in the mornings when I feel like I’m at my best.

You know how I mentioned that eating breakfast would make me feel tired, and that eating in general induces fatigue? I believe that is from my cortisol levels lowering after a meal, inducing a relaxed, fatigued state. It can be annoying, but I power through it by walking around 10-15 minutes if my time allows me to do so.

Intermittent fasting works for me, too, because I’m a big eater. I would rather eat a big meal than snack around. I’m glad that the ‘you must consume six meals a day’ bullshit was debunked long ago, because I would be in trouble if that was a fact! What works for me is that I will consume a small meal around lunchtime followed by a big dinner. If I eat a big lunch, not only do I feel extra tired, but I’ll often not be hungry at dinnertime and feel famished by 8 p.m.

I started ‘doing’ intermittent fasting without realizing what the hell it even was back in high school when I stopped going to lunch and instead was hanging out with my friends in one of my favorite teacher’s classrooms. I wouldn’t eat until after school, and I would feel great, asides from experiencing hunger in the afternoons.

I still remember my very last day of high school. June 4, 2009. I drank a lo-carb Monster energy drink that morning and headed to school. That day, I had a huge final exam for my government class. That government class was the most difficult class I took during my school years because the instructor decided to make it difficult. Mrs. Vance was her name, and guess what? She was one of the best instructors I ever had because she was so involved and invested in making sure we learned the material. She cared about her students getting the most out of that class, because she genuinely wanted us to learn. She didn’t believe in multiple choice tests; she also didn’t believe in word banks. The tests involved ‘fill in the blank’ questions where you would have to recall the answer from your own studying. They also involved mini essay-like questions where you would have to answer fully. I passed the exam, and the class, with an A. I can only imagine taking that final exam with food in my gut, because the fatigue would have wrecked my memory and ability to perform as well as I had.

Going forward about six years to May 2015. I was completing my first year back in college, heading over to the local community college I attended, getting ready to take the final exam for my geology class. All I had on my stomach was a SPIKE Shooter energy drink which features 300mg of caffeine, a ton of the methylcobalamin form of vitamin B12 (the most bioavailable B12 that exists), 500mg of L-Tyrosine and the herb Yohimbine HCl. I felt ready to kick ass, and I did.

Those two moments, six years apart, stand out to me because it backs up my personal, anecdotal bias about how much better I feel while performing on an empty stomach. The same thing happened seven months later when, during my second year back in college, I took a really excruciatingly stressful final chemistry exam in a computer lab that took me almost three hours to complete, and I did so on an empty stomach with trusty caffeine involved.

It doesn’t work for everyone.

My ex-girlfriend had to have something to eat within 30 minutes to an hour after waking up or else she felt famished. I personally don’t feel hungry until several hours after I wake. If I ate early in the day, I’m sure I would weigh 50-75 more pounds than what I already do.

I’ll continue to ‘do’ intermittent fasting for as long as I feel good doing so. Why shouldn’t I?

The Priceless Joys of Life

Sonny was my dad’s best friend; he also worked for my dad at his company from sometime in the 1980s until my dad’s death in 2003. He is 69-years-old and has had prostate cancer for a couple of years now. I have been visiting him as often as I possibly can, as much as for when my free time allows me to do so, since August 2017, and those days are the absolute most favorite days of mine in my life.

I have always considered Sonny a second dad to me, and I think a lot of the reasoning behind placing him in such an echelon is because whenever I go visit him, I feel closer to my dad. Sonny is the one person remaining on this earth who reminds me so much of my dad, even though they are (were) two seperate people with their own distinctive personalities. Sonny is an extrovert while my dad was an introvert who became an extrovert around those he felt comfortable around.

One of the last few memories I have of my dad was back in September 2003. You see, my dad was a die-hard Miami Dolphins fan while Sonny, being from the Maryland/Washington D.C. area, is a huge Washington Redskins fan. At this time, my maternal grandmother was having a surgery related to her heart about two hours away, so my mom had taken her and was away, and so my dad was responsible for getting me to school during that brief time period. One morning during that time, my dad woke me up early before school so that we could swing by Hardee’s and eat breakfast with Sonny before he took me to school and they went to work. They playfully shit talked each other over their respective favorite NFL teams and it was just so fun to listen to their banter. Sonny cannot stand the Dallas Cowboys, but he was a big fan of the coach Bill Parcells, who was in his first year as the head coach of the Cowboys, and he was touting him as the man that was going to breathe live into the ‘Boys after their recent streak of low quality seasons, while my dad was downplaying Parcells and giving Sonny shit for being a Redskins fan who was talking him up. Such a simple memory that I will forever hold dear to my heart, given my dad’s death three months later from liver and kidney failure.

Sonny lives alone in a 100+ year old home where I damn near hit my head on the ceiling while inside every time I go to visit. His long-time (30+ years) domestic partner (since they never married one another) Dianne died in 2016 from a blood clot. He’s had multiple hip replacements and can’t get around very well these days. He’s living on a fixed income (social security, I suppose?) and only really gets out of the house a couple of times each month where he isn’t as mobile as he’d like to be. I know I’m just throwing his dirt out there on the internet, in which I truly do apologize for, but I just want to write about the man I know, look up to and love as an awesome father-esque figure.

I will go and visit him from 7-8 p.m. in the evenings when I get a chance to go, and I always end up staying over, just shooting the shit about life, until 2-3 a.m.

I don’t expect or want anything from him other than his company, and I appreciate that he allows me to come over, even if I do get the feeling that I keep him up way too late regardless of his insistence that he can’t fall sleep until 3-4 a.m. on most nights due to nagging leg pain.

This is one of the priceless joys in life that I will never take for granted. Dianne was cremated and her ashes sit in a box that is perched on a coffee table in the living room where Sonny and I sit in converse. In past visits, he has told me stories that would possibly be embarrassing to Dianne, in which he will ‘talk’ to her and apologize for what he’s said. That doesn’t take away from the hilarity of the things he tells me, from stories about my dad to his life to other random shit. He may be 69-years-old but he has the mind of someone in their 20s or 30s, and I believe it is due to his lifelong love for learning and the acceptance of the change that is around all of us.

He has an old, beat-up laptop, and he describes his use of it as merely, “getting on Facebook for a few minutes every day, watching some porn to see what kind of new shit they got out even though I can’t get the damn thing up any more and Googling what the fuck ever.” I paraphrased a bit, but that is a near carbon copy of what he says verbatim.

I don’t know how far his prostate cancer has progressed, other than what he has told me. Prostate may be slow growing, but it is what his dad died of. As mentioned, Sonny is 69-years-old; his dad was 69 in 1991 when he died of prostate cancer. He said that he wanted to outlive his dad, in which he has so far by three months. Selfishly, I want Sonny to be around forever, but I know one day, he — just like all of us — will exit this earthly form.

I say that visiting him is one of the priceless joys in life because it is exactly that. I won’t be able to do so forever, and so I cherish each visit that spans hours of conversation, because they all mean so much to me.

Daily Habits Will Make or Break You in Life

Cliches, vapid platitudes… call ’em what you will, but the title of the post being what it is doesn’t invalidate the veritable truth behind it.

Today is Memorial Day in the United States, where I reside. The most productive thing I did today was clean up the kitchen a little bit and do some laundry. Ah, and I cooked up some cheesesteaks on my 17″ tabletop Blackstone griddle. However, prior to logging in to type out a few words, I spent the last three hours lying down on my bed, browsing through Facebook and Reddit. Oof.

Time is money, right? Opportunity costs are to be accounted for, eh? I could have spent the last few hours working on my desired business venture, much like I could be doing now, but I spent it indulging in mindless social media consumerism. I’m not one of those people who believes that social media is just a time thief (although it can be), and I accept that it is important to take time to relax every once in a while, but I remember a time when I spent years of my life wasting away in my own head.

2010-2013, especially 2011 onwards in that timespan, I wasted my life. That isn’t to say that I did not have productive days, but from the ages of 19 until I was almost 23 in 2014, I screwed around. I was in a manic depressive state for much of that time. Here’s the short version of it all, which I may touch on in a future post: in 2008 I began a relationship with a woman who I thought I would marry (I was young and full of optimism); things were awesome in 2008 and 2009, but things broke down in 2010. After two years and three months, she inexplicably ghosted me and I lost my mind. I didn’t talk to anyone about it asides from what I posted on relationships-based forums on the internet. I spent the following few years feeling extremely bitter and depressed due to the lack of closure, before I finally turned my life around in 2014 by accepting that not everything in life will feature the opportunity for closure and that you simply have to look through the windshield and not the rearview mirror, so to speak, to be able to move on for yourself.

Anyhow, I used to dwell on the fact that I wasted those years of my life. It affected me greatly, because as a high school graduate in 2009, seeing former classmates on social media celebrate their college graduations in 2013 made me feel envious and terrible about myself due to my own personal shortcomings. However, I learned a lot about myself from the time I spent ‘wasting’ my life. I grew as a person; I realized what I wanted in another human being as a partner; I also learned what I would and would not accept from those I choose to have in my life.

I digress, however.

I developed bad habits during those years. Namely procrastination. That can stick with you for a long time if you don’t shed it. Perhaps we all procrastinate from time to time, from sleep to washing the dishes to writing a paper to exercising to whatever, but it is a habit that must be broken in order to feel personal success.

That is such a bland, meaningless term, though, right? ‘Personal success’? What the hell is success, anyway? The definition varies from person to person on a subjective level, because my idea of success differs from yours and others.

I used to compare myself to my dad a lot, and it made me miserable. I was named after him, so I feel like I’ve pressured myself into living up to that title. He was only 49-years-old when he died from cirrhosis of the liver and renal failure a week before Christmas in 2003, when I was 12-years-old. While only 49, I feel like he lived a successful life. He married my mother when he was just 22-years-old in 1976. By the age of 25, he started his own business selling coal mining parts (I’m from southwest Virginia where coal, a dying industry or not, is king). In the ’80s, he bought the home I grew up in, and it was built from the ground up, and he had it paid for by the time I was born in 1991. He grew up in poverty, clawed his way out and made his own living on his own terms. I love my dad and I’ll always miss him. I stopped comparing myself to him when I hammered the idea of generational changes into my head, about how the world is way different today than it was in the 1970s, and how I’m a different person although we do share plenty of the same personality characteristics. I will always want to make my dad proud, but I am my own person and have to live life for myself at the end of the day.

I apologize for this post being all over the place, but this is my word vomit coming straight from my mind.

I often think about the times I’ve been the most productive in my life.

I started college at a local community college in the fall of 2009 when I was 18-years-old, but by the end of the semester I was only taking one class (my 8 a.m. English class) after blatantly discontinuing appearing in my other classes (no, I didn’t drop them; I had no idea about the consequences of not properly dropping those classes). I finished up that semester but didn’t return. So those aforementioned years happened. In June 2013, I made a pact with myself that I would return to school in the fall of 2014 and have my shit together. Well, by the time August 2014 arrived as I waited for the very last possible minute to begin taking classes, I did not have my shit together, but I somehow willed myself to go over to the same community college that I previously mentioned and signed up for classes. The rest is history: I finished up at the community college in May 2017, started taking classes for the university I had transferred to on Monday evenings at the community college location and earned my bachelor’s degree in December 2018. It was a long journey full of frustration and stress, but I managed to get it done. Along the way my cousin Justin died in December 2015 from accidental carbon monoxide poisoning when he was only 21-years-old and then my uncle Steve died in January 2017 at only 61-years-old from an unknown cause that we might never truly find out (his death certificate cites a blood clot, but I’m not sure I believe it).

Ah, hell, I totally blew my chance to mention the times I feel I’ve been the most productive… regardless, it is irrelevant to the matter of this all-over-the-place, rambling-laden post.

I’m trying to get my shit together, even to this day. The last six months of my life has been some of the most stressful times ever. My mother had a stroke in November, my aunt who is like a second mother to me suffered a heart attack in March (big time smoker and someone who is stressed out easily) and my cousin who is like a sister to me? Well, in April, her husband of eleven years was arrested for a despicable crime that sent shockwaves through the whole family because we are still floored almost two months later!

I feel like that phrase, ‘trying to get my shit together’ applies to more people than we’ll ever know.

I have been trying to include healthy habits in my life, but today I slipped up. We all do. My most recent ex-girlfriend told me that I needed to give myself some credit, to cut myself some slack and enjoy lazy days from time to time, but I have a crippling case of being a perfectionist and I’m often hard on myself when I feel like I’m not being productive.

You certainly are not defined by your past, but who you are comprised of as an individual today has been brought on by a collection of moments from the past. Maybe not even moments, but your daily actions have led you to this point, from the status of your health (not counting health issues or limiting disabilities that you have no control over) given your dietary and lifestyle — workout related — habits to your hygiene to your choice in hobbies to what you choose to do for employment, school, etc.

I want to be the best version of myself, just like you, the reader, probably want the same for yourself. This includes active engagement in working every day to improve just a little bit, from attempting to be a better person to learning just a little bit more about the world around us, even though it is healthy to accept and be aware that we will never understand as much as we truly would like to about this thing we call life.

Whoever that is reading this, I wish you nothing but good things in your life. You deserve it, whether you think you do or not. But you will never get to anywhere you remotely want to be if you don’t take the uncomfortable step out of your comfort zone to chase goals that are conducive to such things.

Developing a Healthy Lifestyle is All About Habits and Conditioning

My mom had a stroke on the evening of November 8, 2018. Around the same time, it was discovered that she was also a diabetic. Just a little less than a month shy of turning 67-years-old and her world was flipped upside down. It was a right-side stroke — a minor one that occurred in a major area of the brain that completely hampered the left side of her body. By far one of the scariest nights of my life, to imagine losing my mother, having already lost my dad a week before Christmas in 2003 when I was only 12-years-old.

My aunt, my mom’s sister and someone I consider to be like a second mother to me, had a heart attack on March 10, 2019, just eighteen days shy of turning 59-years-old, after about four decades or so of smoking cigarettes and working stress-inducing jobs emanating from oft-drama with co-workers.

My mom, as I liked to tease her about, has always had the eating habits of a little bird. She’ll eat a little bit throughout the day, here and there, never eating a big meal, only snacking. She has always been the type of person to pass up a solid dinner for sweets. She loved soda, candy and ice cream. After receiving the news of her diabetes diagnosis, she kicked soda to the curb in favor of diet soda and flavored water. I never realized how expensive sugar-free candy was until I started buying it for my mom! Also, after being used to ice cream deals at local grocery stores at prices of 2 for $4, it is roughly $4 to buy her the ‘no sugar added’ ice cream varieties for her favorites (butter pecan and neapolitan). Her blood sugar typically stays between 120-150. She isn’t on any diabetic medication for the time being. However, she is taking two different blood thinners, two types of blood pressure pills and, unfortunately, a cholesterol pill.

My aunt is taking a host of medication. She hasn’t switched off to flavored water as far as consumption habits goes, being a Diet Coke addict and all, but I’ll give her big props on one thing: she did the unimaginable. She quit smoking cigarettes the day she had her heart attack and hasn’t looked back. She uses nicotine patches for the time being.

I’m proud of both for the lifestyle modifications they have made, even if I only mention one for my aunt (giving up the quasi-‘cancer sticks’). I feel like, for my aunt, the damage has been done after several decades of smoking, but it is better to quit at some point than to never quit at all. We begged her to quit for years, especially bringing up how she would want to live to see her two grandchildren graduate high school, and she would always snap at us for offering such visceral banter.

People spout words like ‘motivation’ and ‘discipline’ all the time when it comes to lifestyle changes, and there is a sense of motivation at first, and discipline has its place in keeping someone’s feet on the ground, but more than anything a change in one’s lifestyle is directly related to the change of habits and incorporating those habits into one’s routine by doing the same thing over and over each day.

Back in 2014 and 2015, when the Xbox One was only a year or two old, I became hooked to Xbox Fitness. It was a free app where one could use the kinect that the Xbox One mandatorily came with to work out in front of, earn points for executing proper ‘exercises’ and give themselves a full body workout in the process. I was, in a way, addicted to the MOSSA workout series, especially MOSSA Fight! Call it boring, but for two months straight, I was doing the MOSSA Fight workouts daily and felt a sense of anxiety if I had not completed my workouts on certain days. It was a solid routine that was only upended once the fall semester of 2015 began and my science courses (particularly chemistry, when at 24-years-old I had never taken a chemistry class in my entire life, dating back to grade school).

In 2017, Microsoft/Xbox did away with Xbox Fitness. It was a sad time. Basically, they abandoned the kinect. There was controversy surrounding the kinect ever since it was announced that it would be a mandatory inclusion with the console when it was released in November 2013, which gave Sony and Playstation a massive lead in the console wars, a grip it still holds over Microsoft and Xbox to this day, and when Xbox began to do away with the kinect, it was only a matter of time before Xbox Fitness kicked the bucket.

I prefer working out from home. I live in a rural, small town community where there are only a couple of options as far as gym-going goes. At home, I have a 22 lb. dumbbell, a 35.2 lb. dumbbell and a 50 lb. dumbbell that I can execute lifts with, and here’s a treadmill in the basement for cardio. I consider mowing the yard to be quite a workout, too, with a push mower, as I have a relatively big yard that is uneven and a hillside to mow. I mention the yard as being ‘uneven’ because there are tiny, little mini-hills all over the yard where, if you are mowing it, you are constantly exerting strength to push the lawnmower over such areas to adequately cut the grass.

I wish I had a bench and barbells to work with, at home, but it is what it is. I suppose what I have is solid enough for maintaining a decent level of strength albeit it is not optimal for maximum strength or even better hypertrophy as it pertains to muscle growth. However, it is better than nothing.

I may be moving this post all over the place, but my entire point is that one can do what they can with what they have in their lives.

My mom did well enough to kick sugary sodas and most sweets (she still indulges in sugary sweets from time to time, but she has cut back significantly since her stroke). I wish both her and my aunt would try and incorporate regular ol’ water to their daily consumption.

As human beings, our collective lives are shrouded in habits. Creating healthy habits is tantamount to showing compassion for your future self. Benefits may not show tomorrow, or a week from now or even three months from now, but six months? A year and beyond? Dividends eventually occur. Life can be a ‘give and take’ battle at sometimes. Your actions have consequences, even if they don’t initially rear their head.

Motivation doesn’t last, and I’ll let you guys argue about discipline at its core being enough to set someone on a path, but habits are everything. We are creatures of habit, from showering daily to brushing our teeth to what we do in our spare time separate from our work lives.

Your body will tell you all you need to know, most of the time, about how you are doing.

I’ve never been diagnosed, but I know for a fact that I’ve been suffering from depression since at least last April. That was the first time I felt a semblance of it. I began feeling hopelessly empty and jaded over life. I began to feel no enjoyment in my hobbies. It has come and gone, but when I’m deep in the throes of depression, my motivation to do anything is hindered by extreme fatigue and striking emptiness. I used to believe that depression was merely the feeling of sadness, but no, it is so much more than that. For me, again, it is that empty feeling and the extreme fatigue that comes along with it. This is part of the reason why I mention habits, because I’m fighting daily to overcome it all. From eating whole foods to supplements to attempting to be active. I try and take five to ten minutes out of each day to engage in my own form of ‘mindful meditation,’ cheesy as it may sound, but taking that time to realize the self-awareness of what is going on in my head, assessing what any anxiety I feel is rooted in, appreciating what I have in life even if it is difficult to do so with how I feel… it helps, even just a little bit at times.

Life can be overwhelming. Developing habits isn’t easy, but it helps to have a “why?” when you do what you do.

That is why this “V-Neck Gangster” blog is a form of expression and escape for me. The title of the site may be ridiculous, as I’m certainly no ‘gangster,’ but it is a fun play on words and adds a little zip of my personality that includes my v-neck t-shirt wearing habits and gives a face value basis to who I am in the slightest way.

What are your habits? What do you feel like you could work on in a better way as a person?