Back in 2011-2013 I posted fairly regularly on the Social Anxiety Support forums. It was before I went back to school in the fall of 2014, so I posted on there to write about my own personal social anxiety that I felt back then with other like-minded individuals.
Several years later (now), I returned to post about my successes and triumphs as well as intertwined struggles from over the years. I was hoping that it would be a post that would inspire, because I wrote about how, in my anecdotal experiences, that the key to overcoming social anxiety is to move out of your comfort zone, embrace the inevitable feelings of uncomfortableness and to repeat that habit as a form of cognitive behavioral therapy.
A few members replied in kindness, but there were a few posters, aged 40-years-old and up, who were visibly upset that I ‘claimed’ such an ‘easy fix’ to social anxiety. Firstly, I never claimed an ‘easy fix’ to social anxiety, only a method to better control it and improve it, rather than allowing it to hinder your improvements as a person.
These 40+ something folks raged over my use of the phrase, “you have to get out of your comfort zone on a consistent basis” by saying that they have heard that cliched tripe enough over the years. I don’t doubt that, but their claims that they have heard it enough over the years does not invalidate that statement that is rooted with veritable truth.
To do anything worthwhile in life, to chase your goals and dreams, to live life to the fullest, you have to get out of your comfort zone, whether it involves applying for a job to learning a new skill/hobby to meeting new people. Confidence comes from experience and doing, even if you flop on your face the first several attempts.
These same negative Nancies also took offense to me saying that other people don’t think about you as much as you think they do, as I believe everyone is dealing with their own personal battles on a day to day basis, from being too busy thinking about what they are going to cook or buy for dinner, deadlines for work, bills they have to pay, personal responsibilities they may be procrastinating doing, etc… a few of them spouted anecdotes about the time they did something embarrassing when they were younger and a solitary person recently brought it up to them. What a crock of shit.
I’m almost 28-years-old. I can’t imagine sitting shelled up in a home in my 40s or 50s and blaming the world and other people for my problems at every whim. There is nothing more pathetic than an individual who wields a constant victim mentality, or a victim complex, if you will.
Even when I was writing about struggles with anxiety back in 2011-2013, I never blamed others for it. I made this point in a post in that thread on the forum and received replies stating, “Good for you!” in a poorly sarcastic tone. What a shame. I made it a point, too, to mention that I still deal with occasional social anxiety given certain situations, but I hammered the point home that I make the very best attempts to be self-aware of my thoughts, embrace the anxiety as it happens and allow it to pass by recalling to myself, speaking to myself within my head, that everything will work itself out and be alright, allowing the negative thoughts to pass rather than accepting them as fact.
There is a thread on there that is titled something like, “Why is the world against me/us?” where the original poster is being championed by others over that frame of mind.
You will never progress in any way in this world when you blame others for everything that is going on in your life every second of the day.
You can either allow social anxiety to dictate your life, or you can take control of your life by forcing yourself out of your comfort zone.
No, it isn’t easy becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable, but it is worthwhile and I am proof of that. I have failed over and over again, but I live for the successes.
Don’t become one of those people in your 40s and 50s, still blaming the world for your hiccups and lack of progress. That is easy to do, because it doesn’t involve any work, time invested or risk.
Life is hard. Life is work. Anything worthwhile is going to be difficult and require work to achieve, but make no mistake about it that it can be done.
Speaking of ‘done’, I’m done with that forum. It is a minefield for reinforcing victim complexes and that is not conducive to growth. I hate the stupid word, ‘snowflake’ that a lot of short-sighted people use to call others as an insult, but you go on a forum like that and afterwards you don’t have to wonder where that silly word with its modern definition is derived from.
I screw up all the time. I still feel social anxiety at times, as mentioned. I mean, hell, I just felt it the other day because I had to go to the grocery store and felt anxious over running into someone I know who works there. What happened? I ran into them while I was there, and I was fine. Why did I feel anxiety over this? I have no clue whatsoever, but guess what? Going in there and running into them? It was no big deal after all. That was the basis of my thread on there, to inspire hope and the idea that it doesn’t have to be an awful existence for everyone every second of the day, and while I appreciate the posters who replied with positive feedback and encouragement, the negative Nancies can go pound sand. They will never experience growth while sitting around with their arms crossed, crying “Why me?!” at every turn while others step out of their comfort zone and live life.
V-Neck Gangster 